i finally finished the memory box that i’ve been making with all the tickets and maps and bits of paper that i collected during my five months abroad. it has such happy memories from everywhere i went: groningen, rotterdam, berlin, amsterdam, paris, valencia, tonbridge, prague, budapest, vienna, and innsbruck. and inside, the scrapbook that my blekerslaan friends made for me fits perfectly :) something to keep forever!
wooden box covered with paper, sealed with a clear acrylic glaze.
and then
i’ll be fine i’ll be fine i’ll be fine i’ll be fine
i feel like i’m back at stage one. so lonely.
i want to hold you
i’m sitting in my room in groningen at 4 in the morning. i’ve passed the halfway point of my time here and i feel different. i remember getting on the plane on december 19th and feeling terrified and gloriously independent all at once. i wrote a “journal entry” in a notebook and then tore it up once my plane landed—i’m not a writer. i got to johannesburg and it wasn’t what i expected, but it made me sad. i don’t think my family belongs there. i didn’t want to leave them there, and now that i’m gone, i don’t want to go back.
and then i came to groningen. the first day was so scary and overwhelming and i cried in my room by myself (i’ll admit it now) and wondered why i decided to come here all alone. but i cried every day for the first week of elementary, middle, and high school, and eventually i figured out that nonsense, didn’t i? so i put on a brave face and went downstairs and talked to people who i thought i had nothing in common with. now three months later, everything is different and we’ve all learned to love each other, but most of all i think that i’m different. i can’t explain it, but this was the right thing for me to do. i feel so at home in this city, which took me into its arms and gave me what i needed—a fresh start.
is talking to people. and listening to their stories and why they are studying what they are studying and where they live at home and how they miss their parents and don’t know how to cook for themselves (just like you) and what brought them to this strange, cold place with delicious stroopwafels (just like you).
